BTTI 2018 Recap Part 1

There are places that can communicate their therapeutic potential at first glance. Meliá Braco Village Jamaica, in the pouring rain, isn’t one of them. And considering how much the rain ruined parts of the trip, I’m inclined to leave my thoughts about the rain short and sweet and monosyllabic (This must be how the Kardashians feel). 

Upon opening the door to our room with these niffy bracelets room keys.
I walked in into the room and almost started jumped up and down. “OMG I HAVE MY OWN BED!!! HANSON LOVES ME” followed by “Did someone get drunk then design this bathroom?” 

I'm guessing the bathroom design abomination on the non level rooms was to remove the annoying parts of resort life. Such as space to curl your hair before your picture with Hanson, hot water, a closet that doesn’t leak and not falling into the wall when you try to pull your pants up after using the bathroom. 

But guess what? Theres a white fully robe on the back of the door, I think resort puts the robes in your room as a distraction so you'll forget about having to do a voodoo dance to get hot water out of the shower and that first nights show getting canceled.

The Adventure Begins

I have an outstanding idea for a horror movie. 


It was a rainy evening in Jamaica, a couple walks into a bar, for casting purposes lets say the man is tall with sandy blonde hair, scruffy and handsome, Ryan Reynolds will play him. And the women will be played by me.


(SHUT UP IT’S MY BLOG). 



As the couple approaches the bar to get a drink, the man’s toned arm flexes against his Paul Smith gingham print shirt, which he paired with Levis denim and a pair of convers. The women is wearing (Oh no one cares what the women is wearing, it will end up crumbled on the floor in the room in the movie anyways after a gratuitous sex scene.)




Wait, where was I? I have completely lost my train of thought.

,


OH- horror movie! Right. 



So the woman in her peripheral vision spots Isaac Hanson in the corner surrounded by a zombie-esque mob holding their phones in camera mode. Cut to a wide angle shot of the women leaning against the door way of the bar, one that doesn’t make her butt look big, as the well dressed man walks towards her he thinks how adorable she looks as the moon light illuminates her not frizzy from the humidity hair. Also she is a super accomplished and all her pants fit. (This is what movie people call “Subtext”) 

 As they look around they see Zac and Taylor Hanson escaping from a club and a steel drum show with group of aggressive armature paparazzi predators following from behind. Suddenly there’s a blood-curdling scream, the man is confused for a moment, until finally he figures it out. The woman realized she doesn’t have her phone. SHIT! She left it in the room to charge.

Horrified he starts looking for his phone. He remembers it’s in the room too! He takes off running back to get their phones. How would they survive without a selfie with Hanson? How would they ever be able to show their faces in the fandom again?  

Running as fast as he can, in the rain, that according to the locals was the most they’d seen in 60 years, he reaches their room with two beds, brusts through the door like Captain America with the use of his bracelet room key instead of a shield. While reaching for their phones on the night stand, he slips in a puddle caused by a leaky closet. But his 6-pack abs and strong legs help stop his fall.

 By the time he makes it back to the bar he pauses, out of breath, only to witness the back of a golf cart driving off with Hanson. He falls to the ground on his knees and screams “NO!” realizing this trip was going to be one long, depressing SNL sketch. The expression on his face fluctuating between apathy and anger, the woman rushes to his side falling to her knees next to him in defeat. Fade to black. 

The point incase you missed it, was this year the band couldn’t even walk into a bar to mingle with their fans with out a phone and or camera being shoved in their face. More than normal, and also I neglected to figure out where the sex scene should go. (That can always be addressed in the re write).




Night Two 

Betrayed by the weather gods, there was a new location for the show announced and it wasn’t going to be on the beach. Reluctantly, like the good fan I am, I rearranged show outfits to accommodate. 

In the time spent as a Hanson music enthusiast there are certain aspects of fan life you learn to embrace. The band will always be late, there will always be someone watching the show through a tiny screen and things will never go the way you expected no matter how much preparation. 

At the risk of stating something that may or may not already be obvious, I was not happy. So why am I bringing this up? Because if I wanted to see Hanson in a hot room with a glitchy sound system, bar in a separate location on a low stage, I would have seen them more on tour and for a lot less money. No I was in Jamaica and shitty nights in a packed venue were against the rules of vacation.

At some point in the night I did end up getting into the show realizing it would be the easiest path. I still bitched, but I tried to make the best of what someone who is 5’3 and a half was able to see.

Solo Shows


Zac

Zac’s set was a bit of a blur. Not from being intoxicated, although that would have made his set a lot more fun. But all the songs played sounded so similar. None of the freshness and creativity I’m use to him bringing to his Jamaica solo set we’re present. The air on stage was two more minutes and he gets to go back to whatever video game on pause was waiting for him. 

There was Letters In The Mailbox, which was one of the first songs I ever heard live at a MOE in 2008. I remember once on the Anthem tour, during a walk over hearing a guy asking Zac to play the song declaring it was his very favorite. As to which Zac politely replied that he’ll “try”. It wasn’t played that night, funny how moments like that stick in your mind. If only that guy had been in Jamaica he would have probably said “ About time! I’ve only waited 5 years”. 


Fun Fact: The spray tan I got prior to leaving Dallas had clung to the bottom of my newly pedicured feet. Painfully I was aware that every time I stood on my tiptoes to see there was a chance someone was going to tap me on the shoulder to ask if what was on the bottom of my feet was contagious. Money well spent, clearly.

Magic Mike III

Unless your living in a Buddhist temple, and don’t have a social media account you know about Taylor stripping down to his tank top and jeans? But removed his socks? Then taking everyone on a group swim in the middle of his solo set. 

When he came back on stage the glaring question was “what now?” How was it even possible to top that?  And if you have read my blog and your IQ is higher than 5 you know I’m Taylor girl. Make no mistake though, I detest with a passion, when fans throw up love bubbles for rock stars all over their posts. 

Now that I got that disclaimer out of the way, read the next sentence at your own risk:

The distraction of Taylor in a wet white tank top was better than  Tatum Channing in Magic Mike. OK I’m done.

Side note: A flip-flop was harmed, almost dropped my phone in the water all while following Taylor and his harem into the ocean. Big thank you do the chick in yellow that day for saving my phone and letting me use her arm for balance.



Isaacs Show 

Sadly his set was reminiscent of the past back to the islands I’ve attended, minus the amazing grace number from last year. He filled the void in the novelty department, but just as repetitive and similar sounding as Zac’s set. His usual charm and showmanship were absent and replaced by his “wing it” style. 

Now I know in the courtroom of the internet, any dislike for something Hanson does that’s less than perfect will be blamed on me, regardless of how many overly flattering blogs I’ve written about this band, it won’t matter. I’ve put in writing, real criticism towards Hanson.

Side Note: We as the super fans of this band need a re do on our entire fandoms attitude and stop hating another fan who disagrees with you and seeing them as offensive and must be thrown in a social dungeon.    

Taylor at our table

Tie Dying 

Looking up to see Taylor walking directly to your table invokes many emotions. Was he lost? Draw the short straw? Was the sun in his eyes obstructing his vision? 

He must have stayed at our table for a good 10-15 mins before a group of paparazzi predators emerged demanding his attention. Before that he was very charming and talkative even threw some witty banter in the conversation. By the time he left I was convinced someone must have told him everyone at my table only had 1 week to live and it was our dying wish to tie-dye with Taylor. 

Tie Dying Area

In the distance Isaac was planted in one location talking to a small group. He never came over but I had really low expectations before the event started so it didn’t bother me. I did mange to flag down Zac as he was coming towards the main platform to announce the end of the event. Eagerly I waited to show him my shirt. He must have been informed about my tables dying wish because when I showed him my shirt he said, “You nailed it this year”. He so polite. 


Part 2 coming soon!